Where i'm hardest hit.

"Do not dress up for show: doing up your hair, wearing gold bracelets and fine clothes; all this should be inside, in a person's heart, imperishable: the ornament of a sweet and gentle disposition-- this is what is precious in the sight of God."
-1 Peter 3:3-4

If there's one addiction i find hardest to leave, that's got to be vanity. (As if i have any other long-standing addiction).

I have always known, even prior to coming across these verses, that the physical things the world looks at aren't the ones God values. But i'm stubborn when it comes to that. When i'm feeling insecure, the first things that come to mind are shopping sprees and reading magazines for tips on how to fix your hair etc. (Which i never really got to do. I mean, the fix-your-own-hair part. I don't even know how to put on makeup, beleive it or not!).

Right now i don't know what my take on this is. I mean, knowing how the mind can come up with rationalizations when there's cognitive dissonance... Next time perhaps i'd ask Fr. Jboy :)

33 seconds

...and it meant so much :)

Clearly, time's yardstick cannot measure happiness.

Sometimes we can have the longest conversation with someone and yet feel so distant. And sometimes, 33 seconds are all we'll live for.

It's pretty much like a number of other things in life. Like the 10-minute oral exam in my philosophy of law class which took me three days to prepare for. Or that one final moment when our eternity is to be decided--- a lifetime of strife.

It's been a while. A long while.

I don't know what's going on in the country.

There. I said it. And it's a huge shame.

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If there's a will, there's a way. Or so they say.

I've been trying to read newspapers but i never really had the time. I don't have a tv in our condo unit, so perhaps that spells a big difference. But now i'm home. No more excuse to not be in the know.

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Rhea will try her best to keep up with what has been happening and hopes to finally be able to write her thoughts about things, especially current events.

Rhea has been preoccupied with so many other things. But Rhea is a UP student. Rhea has to know.

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“The more we live in lieu of heaven, the less of earth we covet.”

-Fr. Mario, Sept. 25 Mass aka the Shame-on-you Mass

The homily yesterday reminded me of the work that i have to do, the work that i have not really paid much attention to beacause i felt like “i barely have time for myself.” It reminded me of why i was so passionate about it when i started and why i should relive that dedication. It also somewhat settled the cognitive dissonance i’ve been having, which i discussed in my latest blog entry in my other blog account.

It’s so easy to fall into worldliness. All those “must-haves” that magazines dictate, the mouth-watering chic pieces in shops, the fancy restos you regularly visit with your family, the many opportunities for partying that you struggle to ignore for your “priorities” even if what your heart really longs for is to just have fun, the insatiable thirst to see and be seen, to spend and to spend some more. Oh, and that desire to look so damn good--- precisely one of the strongest reasons for all the worldliness. Vanity. Social comparison. Which is quite futile. Like the philosopher in the Bible noted: it’s like chasing the wind.

For the past semester, i’ve been seriously considering resigning from my post in GK next semester. Admittedly, i was so passionate when i started. Passionate and dedicated to the point that it was almost all that i did. It became priority number 1. And quickly after? Burnout. I felt like i don’t have enough time for acads. And for myself. This sem, i accepted the position half-heartedly, truth be told. If only there was someone else to handle it. The main reason i remained was the fact that i can’t just leave it without someone to take my place. Wrong motivation, i know. But seriously though, i felt like i wasn’t functioning well. After some time, i barely worked. I focused more on myself and on other things. What’s more, each time i browse multiply or friendster, i’d often feel i’m missing out on a lot. I felt like i wasn’t having as much fun as the others. I felt like i’ve been spreading myself too thinly. Others seem to have ample time for leisure! And here i am, stuffed with responsibilities! Somebody tell me, why am i doing this again? I often heard those lines in my head. You know, there was even a point i regretted taking the position of Unit Head in YFC. Basically, i just wanted to focus on my own life. Somehow i felt like i was missing myself. I wanted to be like the others who seem to have all the time in the world to party regularly. I dreamt of study-rest-shop-party routines. I’ve had a long list of “I want’s.” On top of that list was to be relieved from responsibilities. Next was to have all the money to finance all my other wants. It has been, needless to say, all about me. Me, me, me. Yet i still stayed in my posts. For some reason i became steadfast and stayed.

As you would have guessed, the homily yesterday made a big impact on me. “Face to face with Death, money is immaterial. If we invest in our temporary stay here on earth, how much more should for something eternal? I believe that those who are blessed with more in life should also reach out more. I’ve been quite fussy about how i look and redirecting my lifestyle that i’ve been sidetracked.

My life has been greatly blessed by the Lord. He deserves nothing less than true dedication and love for his works.

Lost.

It really saddens me that i barely know what's going on in the country right now. I mean, we have no tv in our condo and i'm only home on saturday nights. sundays, we usually go out. so there, almost no tv for me.

I guess it's about time i read the papers again. I miss my journalism class in high school.

spontaneity is still my middle name :)

last january, i made a resolution: to a year of self-love.

in connection to that, i also said i'd take a break from crying. which would also require me to stop taking risks.

yesterday, around this time, i was contemplating on one big decision.

anyway, it's official :) yes, we are together.

Grand Cathecism with Fr. Jboy

Yesterday, a few minutes past 6:30, Fr. Jboy arrived inside the small Campus Ministries Office (located near the Church), armed with a box of goodies from Goldilocks, and exclaimed: “Aba ang dami natin ngayon. Pano na magkakasya ‘tong dala ko? Akala ko konti lang kayo.” UP Diliman’s parish priest has always delighted me. Fr. Jboy has always made homilies interesting and has a knack for capturing the attention of the Church-goers through his witty stories, reflections, and fun wisdom. I know it’s odd for someone to use fun to describe wisdom but Fr. Jboy knows the little tricks to impart The Message without boring the youth. A breath of fresh air, I would say.

I’m glad I was there for Catechism. Truth be told, I haven’t attended one for years. I think the last actual Cathecism I attended was when I was a little kid, at the Church in Greenhills we used to frequent to when I was a kid. Every time there’s mass, they have a separate Catechism with the little kids. Back then I looked up to the ones conducting the Catechism for us. We had all sorts of fun activities with other kids! Somehow I can still remember how it looks like, but I bet that’s already a distorted image. Oh… and I also used to be a very shy kid then. Would you believe? I wasn’t the perky, sunshiny, makulit girl back then. I was timid. In elementary, coming from a school run by nuns, we always had mass. And Religion subjects. But Catechism like what we had with Fr. Jboy yesterday… I can’t remember. Anyway going back to the topic, the point is it has been a really long time.

One thing that really struck me yesterday was Fr.’s answer to the question What is the most effective way to resist temptations? He laughed a bit at first and said, I don’t know. Haha. But that wasn’t the part that struck me. He gave an answer somehow related to that. And it was about original sin. Embarrassing as it is to admit but in my 18 years of living it was only yesterday when I really understood what it meant. (Yeah, to think that for eight years I was a student in a Catholic School ). According to Fr. Jboy, each time we are tempted we get to experience original sin. All along I thought original sin refers to the disobedience of Adam and Eve. I found out that what original sin pertains to is our tendency towards evil. In Fr. Jboy’s words, “Alam mo nang mali pero gusto mo pa rin. Kahit ‘di mo pa ginagawa/ginawa pero yun yung mas gusto mo, that’s original sin!” Temptation alone is amoral. But when we start feeling an inclination to give in to that temptation, we are already experiencing original sin.

Here are the other topics discussed. Those who have their own questions may also submit their question to the Campus Ministries and it will be discussed next month! J

*The Old and the New Church à the way we worship will change because of the times. But keep in mind that change is only in form. The essence will always be the same.

*What will happen to Christians not belonging to the Catholic Church? Will they be punished? à No!

*Kung mahal ni God ang lahat, bakit may Chosen People?

*Is it okay to question faith? à Yes, but you have to be very careful how. There are two types: questioning within the faith and doubting the faith. I don’t want to discuss it any further because I might relay it ineffectively. It’s better discussed by someone more knowledgeable about it. Trivia: he related this one to love efficiently and it got me thinking. Haha :p

As I have no time to share what the answers were in detail, I encourage all those who are curious and are in wonderment to join us the next time we have Catechism. And it’s open for all- Catholics, other Christians, Muslims, Atheists, etc… Because, as Fr. Jboy emphasized, we are inclusive. The Lord’s love encompasses even our institutional beliefs.

I know a lot of you have questions. I’m thinking about a number of things, too. I highly encourage you to join us next month J