In silence.

This morning, my brother and i went to the COMELEC to register for the upcoming elections. He was supposed to drive me to the nearest Starbucks first (there are only two in Biñan, I think) so I could review for the finals. However I changed my mind, remembering that there's an advisory that Pepeng might hit the country today. Plus the fact that I left my phone at home. Haha kung nagkataong mastranded ako, lagot na diba.

So anyway we just ate lunch together. We barely talked since I was reading the Sempio-Diy book for Persons while waiting for food to be served, and also after eating. But in silence, I felt the bond between us. You see when we were kids, we always fought. We outgrew the petty quarrels (one of the worst would be when we tried to threaten each other with knives HAHA our yayas were petrified when they saw us HAHA). We're still not that super tight but there are just moments, like the one we had earlier today, when, despite the absence of words, I felt... Hmm, I really can't describe the feeling much. But I knew there was brotherly love.

I have two brothers. One's 19, the other's 8. I'm a lot more touchy and verbal about my feelings to the younger one. But RJ and I-- we don't really tell each other we love each other. But in silence, I knew that the love is there. It seemed like a very mundane event--eating lunch together outside. (Haha and we were actually fighting pa earlier). But still.

I rhealized that there are people we love in silence, and yet it doesn't mean that our love for them is any less. Same thing with people who touch our lives in profound ways. There are some of them who we barely get to be with, yet we still know that the love is there. And though they barely get to tell you they love you, too, still you feel the love.

Pause and reflect in silence. Feel your heart beat. It's a wonderful, serene experience :)

But why? :(

Don't get me wrong. I miss school and I just want to see that ALL my blockmates are fine tomorrow. BUT.

Why do we have classes? I know we've missed a lot already but but but. What about our fellow Ateneo Law students who might have been affected badly? And the professors? And the staff?? There's a high probability that a number of them are in the areas most affected by Ondoy. I know finals is fast approaching and we've already lost a number of Mondays, but I just find it hard to move on and act as if everything is normal when SO MANY FILIPINOS out there are still in need of help.

Then again, hindi rin nga naman siguro ganun karami ang Ateneo Law community para maging substantial na kawalan. Okay, maybe I understand why we have to go to class tomorrow. And like what the Second Year Batch Rep said, we can help in other ways. I guess it's just that right now, my heart is really breaking. Apparently, so many of my friends are affected :( I just can't help but wish that instead of holding classes, the law school would opt to conduct its own operations (just like what they are doing in ABS-CBN, Ateneo (Loyola), UP, La Salle Taft, etc). You can NEVER underestimate what immediate help means to a number of people. Even if the whole Ateneo Law School community would only get to save just one life, it still is one life.

Anyway, as it is, since my parents won't let me go out and help, I suppose I'll just go back to my books and study. That's so sad, but well. Better than just panicking here online, I guess. Better be productive.

Someday I'll know what I really want.

For now, I'll stick with the status quo. And I'm talking about a number of different things. Cool how they all fit in one.

Because as of now, I just really want to be happy :)

I know being happy also means going after what you want. But like I said, for the time being, I don't know what I really want regarding a number of things.

I usually prefer pushing boundaries, but for now, I choose the status quo. There are just some things in life too precious to leave to hurried decisions.

By analogy.

Potior est in tempore, potior est in jure.

(This, so far, is the shortest entry ever. I hope you get what I mean and just to clarify, it’s not about love).

It's about time

that I listen to that little voice inside my head again :)

Lately I've opted to succumb to ranting and my own immature thinking.

About time I reacquaint myself to myself :)
Rhea, this is Rhea. I believe you've met before.

PostScript: To two of my closest friends

To Charles who calls me little girl and who barely has time now (like me haha), you're still the best. for calling me little girl and all the meanings that go along with it :) thanks!

To Paola who's so far away now, it's a pity we can't go out. i miss hugging you. still, you're the best :)

you two... i BARELY get to talk to you anymore but i know you're just there and just thinking of how much you two matter to me gives me warm, fuzzy feelings. i'll behave, i promise <3

good luck with your own loves and careers :) i'm happy knowing that you're happy :)

Sense and style.

I just rhealized I’ve got to grow up in the fashion department as well. Most of my stuff still scream “teenager.” And although I was still one just a bit more than half a year back, I have to live with the fact that I’m now in an all-new different world that demands a much more grown-up style. I mean, sure, I was awarded “best dressed” since forever, but all that’s changed now in law school. I feel so inadequately dressed, so mundane, sooo, I dunno, lacking, I guess?

Until senior year, I detested corporate-ish clothes. But well, all that’s got to change now. Clothing gives one a sense of power. Well at least, that’s what good clothes do to me. Right now I’m still in the process of figuring out how I want to present myself. I mean, the range of style is definitely restricted by the demands of “propriety” and “formality.” So having an individual sense of style becomes all the more challenging.

For those who know me from elementary, high school, and college (especially high school and college), I know you guys understand how my clothes are a HUGE part of my personality. And now, that part seems to be… well, I dunno. Gone? Afloat? I really dunno. But I do know I’m in the phase where I try to have a style attributable to me, and not just any style, but a captivating one. From time to time it saddens me. Haha. But I brush it off with the higher demands of academics.

In high school, I loved being different, and loved for it. In college, well, I wasn’t really different, but I was bold when it comes to fashion decisions, from time to time, and well, I almost always dressed up. Now in law school, suddenly 80% of my clothes became almost useless, and the new ones that I have are pretty ordinary. Well, I guess that was because I wasn’t really sure, during the summer vacay, what we’re actually supposed to wear. So I picked the safe stuff.

Gotta love what you gotta live with. I can’t forever rebel and disregard rules. Haha :P I mean, one of the things I loved most in UP was that I could wear whatever I want to wear. And though I would sometimes show up wearing weird stuff, well, it’s UP. People go to class literally wearing costumes (for application to some orgs). So that’s nothing too bold. Anything is possible. Now that I’m in law school, that just can’t work. So inasmuch as I used to detest corpo clothes, I’ve got to love them now. I’m still taking baby steps. I know eventually, I’ll find my zone :)

That’s all. Haha, I just took a break from the books. And now I’ve to go back to them :) Because more than the clothes, the most fashionable item one can bring to law school is a prepared mind :) (And I know I’ve got to triple my efforts in that department, too!)

The Geek Week

Or weeks, more appropriately.



This is it friends. Next week is THE WEEK. After having our share of recits (a mixture of excellent, mediocre, bad, and really bad ones), a couple of reports and quizzes, THIS IS IT. MIDTERMS!



Actually, it seems to be a pretty light load considering we only have one exam per day, and that even if the exam is not until next week, a number of our subjects aren't holding / will not hold classes anymore. But well, we all know we could NEVER underestimate law school. This is do or die. Yeah, may finals pa. But who really wants to bank on just that?



I think I've manifested it a number of times already in my fb shoutouts. Kinikilig ako with the thought of studying, really. Haha! I repeat: "with the thought of." Okay, so maybe I have already studied a bit for the midterms. But in general, I've still been procrastinating. Haha, just like now. Haha!



It's the Geek Week! Happy studying! :)

Rhealization: I'm happy I chose to pursue Law. So maybe sometimes, when I'm in UP and when I pass by Malcolm, I can't help but wonder what could have been. But being in Ateneo Law is also such a blessing :) I'm loving it here :)