Note: no coherence here, just strings of sentences.
*As you might have noticed, I haven't blogged much last month (which just ended yesterday with a bang) because it has been such a busy one for me. So I'm trying to blog now, albeit incoherently.
*Sometime last week, Chesca and I came up with this "crying party" idea. It all started when Ches started being so unusually extra perky and then ended up getting a wee bit too emo reminiscing our freshman days. We were conversing in ym, but I just had to call. Haha. And then I started crying. Haha. Take note: I had a lab exam the following day.
*Every phase of my life had its own ups and downs. But I would say that college has been the best, so far. That's why, just this moment, I [rhea]lized that more than being excited, proud, and happy with the idea that I'm finally going to graduate from college, from UP, nonetheless, I can't help but feel a bit sad. Actually, "sad" doesn't do much justice to how I feel. It's a positive and negative feeling rolled into one, I guess, but maybe it's just that this feeling isn't triggering adrenaline and endorphins. Unlike a lot of kids, I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED SCHOOL. I have never really been the best student in class, but I could say that I have always been a good one. I have an affinity for learning. And studying, as nerdy as it might sound. Haha, you know one of the things I am gonna miss about being a student? Highlighting books, making reviewers, reviewing reviewers, and doing well during "tanungan"with classmates. Haha. So nerdy, noh? But I am actually going to really, really miss those.And the people! I'm gonna miss the people! School's so much easier because you're with people your age.
*I just can't believe I only have one month left. One month to try to squeeze in everything I want to do before graduating, one month to try to rekindle friendships that have not been given much attention to due to busy schedules, and one month to cherish and savor being with the one I love. Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to break up with him after graduating. It's just that it's going to be harder when I'm not in school anymore. I've always liked that we get to see each other almost as often as we want to; that when I need immediate help, he's just a call (and a few minutes) away. Having him and being with him were one of the best blessings I got during my college years.
*At the same time, I feel proud of myself. Sure, I've made a gazillion mistakes along the way, but still, the past 16 years I spent in school weren't so bad. When I was in pre-school, I was overwhelmed with the idea of having to go to school for so many more years. I said I loved school, yes, but hey, as a very young child, who can't help but think that finishing school seems like forever? And now that it's nearly over... well, I still can't believe it's nearly over. My pre-school self would be so proud of her older versions for surpassing all those challenges :)
*This morning, I came up with this idea: I'm gonna document every single day of my last month in school :D Well, not really every activity, but at least a few shots from each day. And! I'll jot down the best parts of each day. And yes, every day shall have a "best" part. And there's no more room for "worsts."
*Here are JUST SOME of the things I want to do before wearing that sablay :)
- stay overnight at the University hotel! :)
- eat breakfast at sunken garden with fellow seniors, reminisce our earlier days together, cry, and laugh.
- have a meaningful conversation with each of the people I look up to over coffee at Cordillera Coffee or Choc Kiss or Figaro (just because it feels a lot more "UP" if the conversation is in Diliman).
- spend a day taking pictures around the campus with friends.
- walk (very slowly!) around the campus at night, under the stars, with people I love. one at a time :)
- eat isaw with the POPS we're gonna leave behind. or okay, maybe not necessarily isaw. but I just want really want more happy memories with them before I leave. i know i don't tambay as much these days (because I'm spending most of my time left with jamo) but i really want to spend time with these kids. haha. they're not even kids. most are just my age (or even older). but yeah, imma miss them. they might not know it, but they made me discover a lot of things about myself and I am really thankful.
- join a build with UPGK! i miss gawad kalinga soo much.
*My next post would be pictures from February! :) And I guess, after I take that last exam or pass that last requirement, I'm going to post a collection of pictures from my entire college life :)
How can you pack forever in a month?
Well, I guess you could start by using time really wisely.
No more room for doing the unnecessary.
Because we're talking of the end of a "great run" (Hernandez, 2009) here, honey :)
According to social psychology, we tend to overestimate our future feelings. So now, I comfort myself with the idea that it isn't going to be so sad and hard when I do leave behind everything that was good about college. Because hey, it's also the beginning of another great run :) And I don't even have to leave everything behind--some I can still carry with me, and for the others, I can always go back and visit UP. Or, I can be a student again :p We'll see.