Thursday, May 29, 2008

out of the box

i was supposed to fix my closet when this box caught my attention. by the way, this, my friends, is what i call my "happy box." it sure doesn't look all too perky on the outside. but oh, the memories it brings back to life.

so before everything else, allow me to let you have a sneak peek on what's inside :)

okaaaaaay how dumb can i get when it comes to arranging pictures in blogger? oh well. hehe.

anyway, as you can see: high school photographs + lots and lots of letters scrolled and tied with either a lavender or a yellow ribbon.


upon reading some of the letters from my Mascian classmates and friends, something really struck me. BOY, HAVE I CHANGED. i was such a sweetie then, imbibing that girl-next-door aura. on the outside, i still am now. but in terms of the intangibles, it suddenly came to me that somewhere, as i think i was blooming into a better person, i forgot about some (just some) of the core things that endeared me to those people who wrote those letters in high school.

i am now more aggressive, more straight-to-the-point when dealing with people (as compared to how i was back then), more in-control, more assertive. these are good things per se. however, i also lost some really good qualities. patience would be one. the ability to see the good in everybody would be another. i'm more easily irritable now. and most importantly, i'm no longer "rhea the good girl." along with being more aggressive and assertive, in other words more determined to get what i want, i've also taken more risks and engaged in behaviors that are incompatible with the image i had back in high school. for one thing, i'm quite disappointed how i could easily curse now. in comparison to the sweet girl that i was back then, i must say i really have adapted a few "bad girl behaviors" now. not that they're bad in the truest sense. but... you get what i mean? looking at how those people wrote those letters for and about me, i can't help but think if the person i am now isn't who i really am. errrrr... okay. i know it's quite hard to understand what i'm saying but... i don't know. i really don't.

i know that these changes aren't really 'bad' per se. they are, i guess, part of growing up.

i guess i just miss the other qualitites i used to possess back then. i'm not so confident that i'm still like that, now.

reading those letters was one hell of a heartwarming experience, y'know. i really felt how those people were endeared to me, and how i once made a difference in their lives. because looking at the situation now... i don't know. perhaps the set-up in the University is just all too different from the one we had back in high school. i mean, definitely, high school was more conducive for really forming friendships and all that.

you know i really can't say if indeed the difference is so huge. that's the hard thing when you're dealing with the intangibles. because for one thing, perhaps my psyche is just overwhelmed by the fact that my happy box made me miss high school and my emotions might have just lead to an exaggeration of sorts.

anyway, there we go again. that's one of the things i love and hate about being a psych major. i overanalyze myself sometimes.

anywayyyyyyy. before this gets out of hand:



another rhea-lization: i guess time makes a good sifter. you see, people do change in college. we start living our lives differently from the way we had in high school. and if, despite all the changes, you're still compatible, then perhaps you really are good friends :)


Thursday, May 15, 2008

Always be my baby

Because i'm a sucker for tasteful mush.

I can just listen to david cook over and over and over and over and over and over again.

It's hard to suppress that little grin and the blush whenever i'd listen to him sing <3
altogether now..


Saturday, May 10, 2008

rhea-lization moment

(another delayed post)

It's past 4 in the morning and something dawned on me.

It took me the whole SBC date with Tins to finish reviewing only one chapter. And there's another catch: I've started reviewing for that even before the studying session.

Which means that, my P130 cup of raspberry mocha kiss was all for that : This lead me to the rhea-lizations that next time, I should be more conscious of those things and, more importantly, to follow my schedule. It's one thing to chill, another to slack off.

Oh, and yes, this calls my attention to my study 'techniques.'

And surprise of all surprises, I am now about to cram 3 chapters in 2 1/2 hours.

On another note: don't be shy, speak up! I don't know why despite our own relatively high levels of extraversion, Tins and I were both too shy to request for an adjustment in the thermostat. It was soooo cold I couldn't function efficiently. When I finally asked-- kaboom, my pace increased :)

-May 6, 2008

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Cramped and Empty: A Paradox

Note: Like the previous entry, Metacognition, this entry was written on May 6, and posted two days later.

Kuya Rob once told me, in this very blog, a great paradox: to commit your self to someone or something is to set yourself free. It has been roughly a year since that comment was made, and quite a lot has changed.

Now in this room, the condo unit that I share with my brother RJ and our cousin Jester, I’ve found another irony. The place is cramped with so many things—and memories, too—and yet it’s also empty. Remember how excited and at the same time uncertain I was with the prospect? I imagined that we would be bonded: sharing secrets, enjoying meal times together, having lots of happy memories, and all that. At first, it was fun. Chores were done, meals were shared, and a few stories were told. As it progressed, chores were dropped, meals weren’t eaten together, and there was almost no communication anymore. Somewhere, something changed.

I have always wanted to be a good ate to them. I have wanted for us to have regular eat-outs to share what’s going on with each other’s lives. On that part, I wasn’t really successful. Only a few months are left and soon they’ll be graduating from culinary school. RJ is barely here now because of his OJT. Jester’s schedule is always changing. In fact, both of them aren’t even here now.

I miss our chitchats. I miss their noise. Most of all, I miss us being complete in this room. It’s quite rare now because of their crazy schedules. Sometimes, though, we still get to talk. And I’m happy that at least we get to do that—you know, laugh about silly things and whatnot. Even if RJ could be stubborn, I still love that kid. Jester is a quiet guy, but still his presence is something.

I feel like the place is eating me up, and so is the emptiness haunting me. Actually, this isn’t the first time I felt this way. That’s why sometimes, I’d really want to just go home to Laguna, or if that’s not possible, to at least just go out and breathe even the polluted Katipunan air. Which leads me to one fact: isolation is bad for my psychological well-being.

I mean, I do appreciate me-times, those moments of solace where I could freely bask in the rays of my raging thoughts of different sorts. But then, my schema for solitude/me-time is the image of my own bedroom. Put me alone in a place where my schema tells me it’s a place I share with other people, and it shouts of a scene not at all meant for solitude.


After a series of trials and errors, I think I’ve come to a point when I could already somehow predict my next actions. Here’s a question you might want to ponder upon:

How much attention do you pay to your own thinking processes?

It helps a lot to have a high degree of self-awareness. For example, when deciding between two options, it’s beneficial to have an accurate foresight of how you’ll feel and how these feelings would manifest in your behaviors. The idea might seem pretty mundane, but believe it or not, people are unaware of a vast majority of their thought processes. I, for one, am not claiming that I have access to such. Now by unconscious thought processes, I’m not speaking Freudian here. Basically, there are four kinds of unconscious thoughts, though I’d rather not tackle them here anymore.

Note: This entry was created on May 6, but it's only now that I got the chance to post it.

Saturday, May 3, 2008


i'm supposed to be in alaminos, pangasinan this moment for psychsoc's annual kickoff for the seniors. given the circumstances, i can't go. but i'm fulfilled enough today that i almost forgot i was missing out on something.

so what was up for me today? well, i just stayed at our newest branch and helped out. before going there, my mom taught me how to do the different kinds of reports, monitoring, and inventories. when we got there, i wrote field notes (how psych!) from time to time. and a lot of other exciting things. hahaha. i know. it might seem so boring to some. perhaps if it was me just doing it for money and for someone else. but hey, this is one of our businesses. i'm more than glad to be of help. it also feels satisfying that my mom would listen to/follow my suggestions, and would even let me "scold" her once in a while. haha.

so today i kinda multitasked. reviewing for my exam, thinking of how i could apply the things i've learned from school esp. from I/O psych to our business, taking orders, encoding data in excel, helping out in accounting, answering customers' questions, giving orders (on peak times), bussing, etc. I even made my own pizza :D

dad's planning a joint company outing on may 19: his people plus mom's people. yay :) and can i just, i like the people working for mom. they're nice and kind and industrious and likeable.

anyway, as promised, i will be posting pictures :D *clap clap

don't you just love how very vivid this shot is?

i love the green shade of the grass :D
and can i just? hindi pa tadtad ng kagat ng lamok legs ko dito, unlike now. boo :

basta, i superrr like this picture :D

8. ripples. i thought of YOU. and this was the last i was able to take before sleek's cam bailed on me. speaking of 8, it's our 8th month on the 8th :)

i enjoy being a kid at heart. though i do recognize, too, that i have to grow up. and like in this picture, i only have a few steps left, and hello adult world, here i come. i'm gonna have to brace myself for more responsibilities that graduating from college would bring.

april babies -> my two younger brothers rj, who turned 18 on the 21st, and yubby, who turned 7 on the 30th. i love you both. it's a hate-love thing, but love overpowers the hate part. hahaha :D