Speed

.Stationary.

God's love :) If there's one thing constant in this world, that's God's love :)Ever-present, not faltering a bit.

My psych grades. They haven't changed- always 1.75. I just wish my 115 would break the trend- for the better, of course. Struggling as i am with controlling my emotions, i might cry if i get a 2.

.Slow.

Progress in the country is slow. Service in a number of restaurants is slow. My brain is slow- or perhaps it just refuses to admit some information. We are slow. And i shall no longer elaborate on that. ;)

Slow to anger, irritation, irrationality, pagsusungit, and crying- that's something i'm trying to live by. And i'm struggling. It's hard, you know- "growing up" as a crybaby, a drama queen as i fondly label myself. But hey, i'm trying. Slowly i'm changing. At least now i recognize my irrationalities. Although sometimes the fact that i'm aware they are irrational and hence must stop just irritates me more. Like, can't i just rant and be irrational for one whole day without a care for anything? But after a week of reflection, i know that is not how a Christian should be like. Staying on the right path can be really hard.

.Moderate.

My feelings (to wherever with these crazy feelings!) are gradually changing- not too fast, not too slow. It's better this way- unlike before when i'd jump headfirst, or when i'd take sucha lazy stroll only to realize what i almost had when it's gone. But sometimes i can't help but think i shouldv'e left things as they were at the start. It was less dangerous back then. But hey, don't worry. I'm still holding on to my resolutions for this year.

.Fast.

Time! Time passes by so swiftly! All of a sudden, i'm done with two years in college! I'd be pretty scared by now if i'm not planning to go to law school because it means i only have two years left before i work. You know work scares me. For now, at least. I feel like if i don't get a good job (by my standards and by society's standards), i'd be like a faliure- as if everything i toiled for becomes devoid of significance. But that's just the present me speaking. I'm pretty confident i'd be psychologically ready by the time i have to work.

Time! Time passes by so swiftly! So much happened in the past school year, i barely kept track. A blurry of emotions, of sleepless nights, of staying at seattle's, starbucks, bo's, gloria jean's and mocha blends, of incoherence, of new acquaintances, of new experiences, of events and parties, of bigger responsibilities and challenges... So much in so short a time. If S=D/T, where D is distance and T is time, the "speed" of my life thus is equal to R=E/T, where E stands for everythings that has happened. And R, i tell you, would yield to such a big value.

Time! Time passes by so swiftly! So fast i wish i have a remote control to slow things even for just a little bit, and to rewind some parts of the past year i want to revisit: the last days of my beloved grandfather, all the subjects where i did not get an uno (hahaha!), yesterday (when my precious bvlgari perfume fell from my table!), the mundane things in school that (simple as they are) are the moments that make UP life livable, my 18th birthday celebration, and some things i'd rather not mention ;)

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Sometimes, the things we want in slow-mo are the ones going "full-speed ahead" while the ones we want to go a little faster are the ones taking it slow.

Some things in life are meant to remain the same
Some are meant to be taken slowly
While some, no matter how much you want to slow it down
Will leave you breathless
with its speed.

Yet another 1.75

in Psych, that is.

I never got any grade in psych other than that. makes me think: should i be a psych major?

I loved my Cognitive Psych class. it has been my favorite subject this semester. oh, and if you can just see my book! how i highlighted it, how i did my reviewers... and my final paper! that final paper. i exerted so much effort for it. and this is all i get.

but perhaps kuya art's text was the best thing i received this morning:
"hehe! At least 1.75 ka. Dats ma'am conaco.Ü"

he has a point. that came from the professor conaco.

and you know, despite my 1.75, i'm pretty happy (well, after ranting, that is). i learned a lot from the subject. i think i could've done better but hey, regardless of the grade, i know i learned much. the subject also gave me reason to explore my interests, specifically: linking psychology to law. after reading all those psych journals and even browsing through criminal cases, i felt that i do have a direction, that indeed i'm going somewhere.

and despite the low grade, i still love ma'am conaco! :) i felt sooo good about myself due to all the encouragement i got from her for my topic. if it wasn't for her, i might have given up easily. but just knowing that an esteemed doctor of psychology like her believes in me, well, it made me feel like i can really do it.

i was also ecstatic with the good feedback i got from some up law seniors. i found out that nobody in the philippines has yet probed much into the case i was investigating. and if given more time, my study actually poses important implications. i sincerely hope that i'd get another psych subject wherein i can delve deeper into that.

and so, heartbreaking as it was to receive yet another 1.75 from my own department, i just have to look back at the experiences i got from the subject and the fact that the grade came from ma'am conaco, the ma'am conaco.

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thanks, kuya art :)
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rheality: sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you still don't get what you expected.

rhealization: life must be really sweet when you find it easy to dismiss matters like this.

rhea-l issue: and yes, i'm still happy :) even if i might possibly not be in the CS list for this sem.