Thursday, August 9, 2007

Take Five. (Oh no, make that six).

WARNING: Incoherence ahead.

“While happiness is the end of human life, it is best attained by not directly aiming at it.”
- a quote from H.L.A. Gray’s The Concept of Law
How true. And I guess I’ll leave it be. Perhaps as some sort of a reminder to people who are constantly striving to be happy.

And if you would ask me of my current emotional state, happiness isn’t exactly what’s permeating my senses. Happiness, in psych terms, is subjective well-being. And I, being in oblivion of what it is to be truly happy, cannot employ the term.

Don’t get me wrong though. Things are swell. Actually, on one side of the coin I can say that things are more than swell. But perhaps more than expected is the more apposite phrase. On the other side, things aren’t what I expected. At all. (Girl, get a grip. And I thought you want to be surprised?)

Fixation. Perhaps I am fixated to some notions that I fail to see other things. Sorry for being vague, but alas this being my public blog, that’s the closest to specificity that I can write.

Fears and doubts. They have been occupying my thoughts. Right now one could say I’m the opposite of hedonistic. But perhaps it might as well be attributed to self-preservation. Kuya Rob gave me an advice, which I found to be a beautiful paradox: to commit to something is to set one’s self free. I still haven’t fully comprehended what he meant by that. But it’s one thing I would ponder upon. But not now, not just yet.

En panne. Translated in English, it means out of order.

This girl needs some serious reassessment of what she wants, what she holds true, what she believes in, what she’ll argue for.


What to do? What to do? What not to do?

Missed. Missing. Ms.

I missed my oral exam on my Philosophy of Law class, hence I’m bound to read about 15 readings for Saturday! 12 more to go!

I am missing a lot of things. I miss reading a good book. The rain reminds me of days back in high school when I could afford lying comfortably in bed while reading a good book and finding comfort in hearing the rainfall. I used to buy new books every now and then, then. I miss having a crush. Haha. Pwede bang hanggang ganung level na lang, ha? Mas exciting yun eh. Haha. I miss McDo UN Avenue and the Saturday basketball games of our classmates against other sections, where the II-Edison and III-Mendel boys almost always win. I miss Paola. We’ll see each other next Wednesday, though. I hope that doesn’t get cancelled due to bad weather or whatnot. I miss my best friend, the one girl I always ran to back in high school. I miss old people… perhaps some things will remain unsettled, but I think I’m cool with that… I miss the Friday strolls at the mall that my friend Danica and I used to regularly do after class, and our being competitive against our other friend Steeven in Physics class. Haha! I miss Masci, I guess. In some terms life is way better now in UP, though.

Ms. This miss has lots of room for improvement. Just you wait and see.  I will perk up genuinely sometime… :) I’m just not done yet (re)building my cool.

I wanna be a certified rock badger!

“Rock badgers: they are not strong either, but they make their homes among the rocks.”
- Proverbs 30:26

I got sidetracked. I’ll try to pave my way home back to The Rock :)

I’ve a new mantra:

“Let life keep surprising you, and keep surprising life back” -rhealeth ramos

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