Thursday, May 29, 2008

out of the box

i was supposed to fix my closet when this box caught my attention. by the way, this, my friends, is what i call my "happy box." it sure doesn't look all too perky on the outside. but oh, the memories it brings back to life.

so before everything else, allow me to let you have a sneak peek on what's inside :)

okaaaaaay how dumb can i get when it comes to arranging pictures in blogger? oh well. hehe.

anyway, as you can see: high school photographs + lots and lots of letters scrolled and tied with either a lavender or a yellow ribbon.


upon reading some of the letters from my Mascian classmates and friends, something really struck me. BOY, HAVE I CHANGED. i was such a sweetie then, imbibing that girl-next-door aura. on the outside, i still am now. but in terms of the intangibles, it suddenly came to me that somewhere, as i think i was blooming into a better person, i forgot about some (just some) of the core things that endeared me to those people who wrote those letters in high school.

i am now more aggressive, more straight-to-the-point when dealing with people (as compared to how i was back then), more in-control, more assertive. these are good things per se. however, i also lost some really good qualities. patience would be one. the ability to see the good in everybody would be another. i'm more easily irritable now. and most importantly, i'm no longer "rhea the good girl." along with being more aggressive and assertive, in other words more determined to get what i want, i've also taken more risks and engaged in behaviors that are incompatible with the image i had back in high school. for one thing, i'm quite disappointed how i could easily curse now. in comparison to the sweet girl that i was back then, i must say i really have adapted a few "bad girl behaviors" now. not that they're bad in the truest sense. but... you get what i mean? looking at how those people wrote those letters for and about me, i can't help but think if the person i am now isn't who i really am. errrrr... okay. i know it's quite hard to understand what i'm saying but... i don't know. i really don't.

i know that these changes aren't really 'bad' per se. they are, i guess, part of growing up.

i guess i just miss the other qualitites i used to possess back then. i'm not so confident that i'm still like that, now.

reading those letters was one hell of a heartwarming experience, y'know. i really felt how those people were endeared to me, and how i once made a difference in their lives. because looking at the situation now... i don't know. perhaps the set-up in the University is just all too different from the one we had back in high school. i mean, definitely, high school was more conducive for really forming friendships and all that.

you know i really can't say if indeed the difference is so huge. that's the hard thing when you're dealing with the intangibles. because for one thing, perhaps my psyche is just overwhelmed by the fact that my happy box made me miss high school and my emotions might have just lead to an exaggeration of sorts.

anyway, there we go again. that's one of the things i love and hate about being a psych major. i overanalyze myself sometimes.

anywayyyyyyy. before this gets out of hand:



another rhea-lization: i guess time makes a good sifter. you see, people do change in college. we start living our lives differently from the way we had in high school. and if, despite all the changes, you're still compatible, then perhaps you really are good friends :)


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