LAE IS OVER.

Today, I took one of the most important exams I have taken and will ever take in my entire life.

It was quite easy. The questions during our review sessions were harder (except maybe for the abstract reasoning part--I got confused with the figures). Out of the six sets, I was only able to finish three (verbal reasoning, reading comprehension, and language proficiency). I didn't have enough time for abstract reasoning, critical thinking (logic), and quantitative reasoning (math). Nonetheless, given the 25% possibility of getting the correct answer per item, I just shaded the unanswered items randomly. I didn't have the opportunity to make educated guesses since, like I said, I didn't have time anymore. I actually shaded those oblongs after the reading comprehension part. I don't get it why they gave us 50 minutes to answer 40 items of reading comprehension when only the same time frame was given for 60 items of critical thinking (which, as the label implies, requires more prefrontal lobe activity than the reading comprehension set). It would have been better if the number of items in those two sections were interchanged.

The essay "question" stupefied me for a moment or two. "My Idea of Law." I researched on the hottest national issues for the essay part (such as the fertilizer fund scam, the reproductive health bill, and the charter change issue), expecting that we'd be asked to write about such. Well, at least that was what I expected because the essay questions in our pre- and post-review session mock exams were about the Moro separationist movement and the effect of the Obama presidency on the Philippines, respectively. Apparently, I should have prepared for "pageant-like" questions instead of researching. Haha! Anyway, the essay I wrote was short and concise. It's a good thing I took Philo of Law and Theories of Justice. I was able to use some of the things discussed in those classes for my essay. But still, I think my essay lacked substance. I could have discussed more. Hence, the fact that I have taken those two law-related subjects in the past (one taken three sems ago and the other taken only one sem ago, wherein I got the same grade of 1.25) makes me feel bad about the mediocre essay I think I have written. But hey, we were only given 30 minutes. And yeah, maybe it wasn't so bad.

But you know what surprised me (in a good way)? I was nervous to death before the exam, but apparently, for some reason unknown to me, I was calm the entire time. Although there were instances when I felt discomfiture: when I tried to "sneak" shading the oblongs during free time. Hahaha! Grabe yun. Actually, I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong since I didn't cheat by going back to the previous sections. But I wasn't entirely sure if shading (through guessing) of the previous sections was allowed or not. I was seated at the leftmost chair of the front row, and the proctor was just about two feet away from me. I was scared at the possibility that she'd reprimand me out loud for all the LAE takers to hear. Nonetheless, in general my head was light during the battery of tests. It was actually much unlike the two mock exams we had at Brains where my head really ached from answering. I was even quite surprised when I realized it was already only a few minutes before 12. FYI, I was inside the room by 7:30. Four and a half hours indeed flew by so swiftly. But yeah, I'm just thankful I wasn't as frazzled as I thought I'd be.

I waited for about 20 minutes for my parents to fetch me. By the way, thanks a lot to my good friend Carla Mae Badi who took the same test in the same room and waited with me until my parents were there. My parents remarked, "Mukhang papasa ka ah. Ang saya mo eh." Haha, I guess I was just relieved that I'm done with the LAE. I can't give them an answer when they asked me if I think I'd pass or not. Seriously, I really don't know. Even if I have a laude standing, for sure most of those who took the LAE have good academic records, too. Also, my comments on the exam were almost the same with the remarks I heard from the other LAE takers. There were even people I know who actually finished answering everything (unlike I who just used the "shotgun method" for the few items left in the 3 parts I didn't finish). And yes, the penultimate killer of all: only 5% of the LAE takers will be accepted.

What are the odds?

Truth be told, I am now preparing myself for the possibility that I won't get in. Unlike prior to taking the exam (when I felt my life depended on it), now I think (and every good psych major knows that self-evaluations are often inaccurate) I won't feel so bad come the time when the results will be posted (I heard they'll release the results by January).

LAE is over. Let the waiting begin. Not.

I [rhea]lized it would be such a big waste of time if I keep myself too preoccupied with the results during the waiting time. I realized that I should rather focus on the other aspects of my life. To give each day the attention it deserves and not to live too much for the "future" is what I should do.

LAE is over. If I don't get in, my life won't end there. I have various opportunities to grab :) My discipline geared me not for a one-sided track. At least I know I can still do a number of other great, exciting things given my degree in psychology :)

LAE is over; my life is not :)

I'll always be the lucky one

"You hold me like i'm the one who's precious

I hate to break it to you but its just the other way around

You can thank your stars all you want but

I'll always be the lucky one"

-Your Universe, Rico Blanco

I can't think of any instance in the past when a song hit me this hard to actually make me shed happy tears. Graaaaaaabe. I first barely heard this song in duch's car when i was with the seniors. Ven commented on it, but i barely got to digest the lyrics because it was too hot that time.

Anyway, SUPER NAPAIYAK AKO NITO. Happy tears, at least :) The lines i quoted above were just so appropriate. I'm still overwhelemed now. Wala lang. We've just really been through A LOT. I have almost given up too many times yet we're still here, and it's because of him :)

Belated happy 14th :)

The difference between hopes and expectations

Okay, I expected this. But somehow, despite the fact that I exceeded my expectations in other fields, I can’t bring myself to rejoice.

Well, well, well. Expectations are to be delineated from hopes.

My GWA for the past semester was high enough for me to be part of the University Scholars list (non-UP people, that’s the upper part of the dean’s list in UP) :) But still… I got a 2 in my favorite class and it’s breaking my heart. Remember how I vowed to never again get a line of 2 in any major after the heartbreaking 2 in Dr. Del Pilar’s Personality class? Well, I got another one, this time in Dr. Mendoza’s Sensation and Perception class. I loved that class. And I worked hard for that class. Yet still, I got a lowly 2. Sure, I even braced myself for a 2.25. But that expectation can’t save me from the fact that I still got a 2. In a way, the fact that we really had an awesome professor heightens my disappointment. One of the simplest ways a student can show appreciation to her teacher is to perform well, right?

Well, well, well. We’ve got two things working there: recency and relativity. Maybe I’m just sad because it was the last grade I received, and all my other grades were high.

All of these made me [rhea]lize something: Our hopes are purely our wants; our expectations, however, are more rational in nature. Hence, realizing one’s hopes affects one more than exceeding one’s own expectations does.

Anyway, I don’t want to end this entry sounding so negative and ungrateful :) Hey, considering that this has been my most taxing semester ever (requirement-wise), managing to still be part of the US list is something :) I shouldn’t put myself down too much.

Loving the runway

I wasn’t much of a runway fan before. The clothes just seem so theatrical and impractical. Couture, I thought, remain mostly in the runway and in high-society parties.

But of late, I’m starting to love runway fashion shows more and more. While watching Catwalk Review earlier this afternoon, I was wowed by Gwen Stefani’s L.A.M.B. clothing line. Wooooooot! Super gorgeous clothes! The clothing lines that followed were pretty awesome, too, especially the Miss Sixty collection. So anyway, I decided to check out LAMB’s official website. I must say: the clothes looked better and more put-together in the runway. Still. Also, I am oh-so-proud of our local designers. When I saw the photo stills from the recently concluded Philippine Fashion Week, I was in awe. The clothes were just amazing. I shall definitely watch the next Philippine Fashion Week. Here, take a look at my personal favorites:

*pictures from clickthecity.com

And F! I used to ignore F because the clothes, as I said, were too unwearable. But now, I see myself not changing the channel for a longer period of time. I’m really digging F now. If I just have oodles and oodles of money, I’d really splurge on tons of designer clothes.

Speaking of clothing lines, I used to say I want to have my own someday. But then, after feasting my eyes on runway clothes for almost one week straight, I [rhea]lized that I’m really more of a fashion-phile than an artist. I do appreciate a wide variety of style pallets (hence, making shopping bittersweet), but now I doubt if I can come up with avant-garde pieces. But maybe that’s just because I lack the education.

And speaking of education, for a few seconds I was beholden by the idea of getting a degree in Fashion Design or Clothing Technology. Why didn’t I take that in the first place? Well, two things. First, I was hesitant because I felt like I would just “waste” my brains (OKAY SORRY, I WAS SUCH A JERK FOR THINKING THAT WAY, BUT I KNOW YOU GET ME) in that profession. In other words, though I know it entails a lot of brainwork—hello, creativity—I thought that I could maximize my potential in other fields. Besides, there’s the fear of not excelling since I’m not really that much of a creative person. Second, inasmuch as I love fashion, I feel like I have a calling somewhere else, which is nation-building.

But of late, I realized that nation-building can be found everywhere, in just about any field. By simply doing one’s best to be great in what one is doing locally, in effect one is already doing something great for the country. And also, I’m thinking that maybe, the reason why I think I’m not creative enough is because I really haven’t given it a try.
Anyway, I’ll deal with my moratorium phase in another entry. As for this one, all I really want to say is: TAKE ME SHOPPING PLEASE!!! Hahahaha. And my birthday’s near :P I’d love gift certificates from The Ramp :P Hahaha!

Grabe, I’m really so inspired right now. Work hard. Work hard. Work hard. Someday, honey, I’m going to earn my own money to have a closet full of couture :D

Capitalizing on Grief

Today is one of those unusual Sundays when our family would just go home to rest after hearing mass. When they called me downstairs for lunch, the tv in the dining area was tuned in to ASAP and it featured various singers serenading Lorna Tolentino with different sad songs. It was meant to be a tribute to the late Rudy Fernandez. However, looking at her, I couldn’t help but be disgusted with what the show was doing. Her face was focused one too many times to show how sad the whole thing is making her feel.

ASAP’s roster of balladeers sung her different songs—all of which were dolorous. And who are those people to her anyway? Most of them weren’t even close to her. You see, it was just pointless. I mean, imagine: if you lost someone very dear to you, how would you feel if strangers start singing you—albeit really beautifully—songs that just make you feel the loneliness even more? I saw her look at some of the singers from time to time, and the expression on her face was just empty.

In a way, I couldn’t help but suspect they were just capitalizing on Lorna Tolentino’s grief. It was as if they did not even consider how that segment would make her feel. I couldn’t help but feel sad for her as she sat there on a stool at the center of the stage. It was as if the singers were just triggering negative emotions instead of making her feel better. The entire idea of singing sad songs to someone who just recently became a widow is just wrong. It is psychologically unhealthy. It was just heartbreaking to see that whole scenario, just like when cameramen focus on wailing people who just lost a loved one. Well let’s not be naïve here; those things sell. But hey, how about respect?

So maybe, just maybe, the thought was there. They wanted to give tribute to one of the most renowned local actors. But in the case of that particular segment, they missed the point altogether. I don’t know what happened next. I went back to my room because I just couldn’t find anything entertaining about capitalizing on someone’s grief.