Or weeks, more appropriately.
This is it friends. Next week is THE WEEK. After having our share of recits (a mixture of excellent, mediocre, bad, and really bad ones), a couple of reports and quizzes, THIS IS IT. MIDTERMS!
Actually, it seems to be a pretty light load considering we only have one exam per day, and that even if the exam is not until next week, a number of our subjects aren't holding / will not hold classes anymore. But well, we all know we could NEVER underestimate law school. This is do or die. Yeah, may finals pa. But who really wants to bank on just that?
I think I've manifested it a number of times already in my fb shoutouts. Kinikilig ako with the thought of studying, really. Haha! I repeat: "with the thought of." Okay, so maybe I have already studied a bit for the midterms. But in general, I've still been procrastinating. Haha, just like now. Haha!
It's the Geek Week! Happy studying! :)
Rhealization: I'm happy I chose to pursue Law. So maybe sometimes, when I'm in UP and when I pass by Malcolm, I can't help but wonder what could have been. But being in Ateneo Law is also such a blessing :) I'm loving it here :)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Back to square one
UP GRADUATE??? CUM LAUDE???
-------------------------------------
Admittedly, I think I had this high regard for my capabilities and credentials. I came from THE BEST University afterall, right? And I graduated with honors, considering that I wasn't the type of student who devoted her time on acads alone. I was a member of three organizations during my stay, wherein I've had varying positions and responsibilities. Half my college life, I was part of the Executive Committee.
I must be someone great. Right?
When I didn't pass the LAE, people told me, surely you'd pass in Ateneo. And I did. And when I did, people told me, 'sus, Ateneo, kayang kaya mo na yan!
But yesterday was such a humbling experience.
-------------------------------------------------------
I tried my best to read as much cases as I could to prepare for the dreaded recitation on the first day of classes. We were assigned around 80 to 100 cases (I'm not sure of the exact numbers), and the official case list was only given to us less than 72 hours before THE DAY. Of course, those are to be tackled in four days, but still, we have to try to read everything since we don't really know where he'd start.
I have always been excited about my first day in school. In the entire history of my academic life, this is the VERY FIRST time I DREADED GOING TO SCHOOL.
I used to be one who's usually prepared for class. Masipag daw ako, sabi nila. I LOVED recitation, because I liked the idea of showing the professor/teacher that I exert effort to do well in his or her class. But yesterday, I felt like I was one of the weakest links. (And UP graduates only constitute less than 25% of the student population there, I think).
I was praying soooo hard that I won't get called because I knew that I'd probably just make a complete fool out of myself (though I comforted myself with the idea that most people probably feel the same, and it's probably just the spotlight effect). Prior to the professor's arrival, the people around me were discussing the cases like they know it by heart. I'm familiar with some, but I could not, for the life of me, remember the facts about the case that I always had to look for my notes in my laptop to refresh my memory. I suddenly longed for the Rhea I knew, just a few months back, who could talk a good deal about a subject.
UP graduate? Cum laude? At that moment, I certainly didn't feel like I was giving justice to those titles. I felt like I was just an ordinary student, as average (or below average) as can be.
Much to everybody's surprise (and my relief), Dean Roy declared that he doesn't want to give recits anymore. Although, upperclassmen advised us to still prepare for a possible recitation, since he might just want to throw us off guard.
----------------------------------------------
I still remember the words one of the speakers during the OrSem told us, "Everybody here starts with a clean slate. Because no matter how high you think you are, the Law School will break you down into pieces. And then, that's when it would start to build you up."
----------------------------------
So I'm back to square one. I shall stop thinking of myself as a cum laude UP graduate, not because I am now hardcore Atenean (because as I said, UP will forever live in me), but only because the immediate connotations implied in such a title puts me at a disadvantaged position, becuase it makes me think that I'm above average and that as such, the way I do things before to get good grades will work this time around.
Notice though how I emphasized immediate. Well, only at this very moment, I [rhea]lized that thinking of myself as one, and truly knowing what it means to be one, can be for my own benefit, too. Because a UP graduate NEVER gives up. A UP graduate stands his or her ground.
To be honest, I am still filled with much anxiety right now. See? I'm blogging when I should be reading (since reading 8-10 hours a day won't merit good performance, but merely survival). I guess this is my way of destressing and boosting my currently super down morale.
I am VERY MUCH HUMBLED by what I felt yesterday.
But as I said, I shall not give up. I shall fight. Because as Dean Roy said, lawyers are warriors. We fight the battles other people could not fight.
In a way I really feel like crying now, because I feel so weak and incompetent. But if I give up my dream just like that, then I'm really not deserving.
I'm putting my ego at such a big risk by posting this publicly. Because if I do give up in the future, or if I don't pass my subjects or the BAR, surely it would be embarassing. But I'd take that risk, if that would motivate me even more to WIN THIS.
Of course, such is not the highest motivation. Thanks to Dean Roy, I have now discovered what is it that I want to do essentially :) And more than anything else, that's what motivates me.
-------------------------------------
Admittedly, I think I had this high regard for my capabilities and credentials. I came from THE BEST University afterall, right? And I graduated with honors, considering that I wasn't the type of student who devoted her time on acads alone. I was a member of three organizations during my stay, wherein I've had varying positions and responsibilities. Half my college life, I was part of the Executive Committee.
I must be someone great. Right?
When I didn't pass the LAE, people told me, surely you'd pass in Ateneo. And I did. And when I did, people told me, 'sus, Ateneo, kayang kaya mo na yan!
But yesterday was such a humbling experience.
-------------------------------------------------------
I tried my best to read as much cases as I could to prepare for the dreaded recitation on the first day of classes. We were assigned around 80 to 100 cases (I'm not sure of the exact numbers), and the official case list was only given to us less than 72 hours before THE DAY. Of course, those are to be tackled in four days, but still, we have to try to read everything since we don't really know where he'd start.
I have always been excited about my first day in school. In the entire history of my academic life, this is the VERY FIRST time I DREADED GOING TO SCHOOL.
I used to be one who's usually prepared for class. Masipag daw ako, sabi nila. I LOVED recitation, because I liked the idea of showing the professor/teacher that I exert effort to do well in his or her class. But yesterday, I felt like I was one of the weakest links. (And UP graduates only constitute less than 25% of the student population there, I think).
I was praying soooo hard that I won't get called because I knew that I'd probably just make a complete fool out of myself (though I comforted myself with the idea that most people probably feel the same, and it's probably just the spotlight effect). Prior to the professor's arrival, the people around me were discussing the cases like they know it by heart. I'm familiar with some, but I could not, for the life of me, remember the facts about the case that I always had to look for my notes in my laptop to refresh my memory. I suddenly longed for the Rhea I knew, just a few months back, who could talk a good deal about a subject.
UP graduate? Cum laude? At that moment, I certainly didn't feel like I was giving justice to those titles. I felt like I was just an ordinary student, as average (or below average) as can be.
Much to everybody's surprise (and my relief), Dean Roy declared that he doesn't want to give recits anymore. Although, upperclassmen advised us to still prepare for a possible recitation, since he might just want to throw us off guard.
----------------------------------------------
I still remember the words one of the speakers during the OrSem told us, "Everybody here starts with a clean slate. Because no matter how high you think you are, the Law School will break you down into pieces. And then, that's when it would start to build you up."
----------------------------------
So I'm back to square one. I shall stop thinking of myself as a cum laude UP graduate, not because I am now hardcore Atenean (because as I said, UP will forever live in me), but only because the immediate connotations implied in such a title puts me at a disadvantaged position, becuase it makes me think that I'm above average and that as such, the way I do things before to get good grades will work this time around.
Notice though how I emphasized immediate. Well, only at this very moment, I [rhea]lized that thinking of myself as one, and truly knowing what it means to be one, can be for my own benefit, too. Because a UP graduate NEVER gives up. A UP graduate stands his or her ground.
To be honest, I am still filled with much anxiety right now. See? I'm blogging when I should be reading (since reading 8-10 hours a day won't merit good performance, but merely survival). I guess this is my way of destressing and boosting my currently super down morale.
I am VERY MUCH HUMBLED by what I felt yesterday.
But as I said, I shall not give up. I shall fight. Because as Dean Roy said, lawyers are warriors. We fight the battles other people could not fight.
In a way I really feel like crying now, because I feel so weak and incompetent. But if I give up my dream just like that, then I'm really not deserving.
I'm putting my ego at such a big risk by posting this publicly. Because if I do give up in the future, or if I don't pass my subjects or the BAR, surely it would be embarassing. But I'd take that risk, if that would motivate me even more to WIN THIS.
Of course, such is not the highest motivation. Thanks to Dean Roy, I have now discovered what is it that I want to do essentially :) And more than anything else, that's what motivates me.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Mababaw issues.
Maraming taong nagsasabi sakin, "rhea, buti ka pa walang tiyan." True enough, haha. At hindi rin naman ako flat-chested. So dapat matuwa ako diba.
PERO WALA AKONG HIPS.
WALA, WALA, WALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA :
So sad. Haha. Kahit pa napakaliit ng waist ko, kung wala naman akong hips, mukhang direcho lang din ang katawan ko from below the chest area pababa.
Haha oo na, ang babaw ng issues ko. Hahaha kumusta naman :))
Nakakapagpalaki ba ng hips? Kung sino may alam pano sabihan niyo ko :)) Eh buto yun, diba? Although sabi ng tita ko, try ko daw magpuntang gym at maghanap ng person na makakapagdesign ng proper exercise and diet para tumaba ako, then papapayat na lang sa ibang areas except sa hips. Haha! Srsly, am really considering.
Pero kasi naman. It's so depressing. Lalo na ngayong summer. Hindi ko gusto shots ko pag nakaswimsuit kasi nga wala akong hips : Eh diba pag sa ganun, mas mukhang sexy tignan kahit hindi flat tummy basta well-defined ang curves from waist to hips. EH WALA NGA AKONG HIPS. Kaya mas mukha akong mataba kahit na hindi naman.
:)) shett natatawa lang ako sa kababawan ko. I can't believe I'm openly talking about my body issues :))
PERO WALA AKONG HIPS.
WALA, WALA, WALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA :
So sad. Haha. Kahit pa napakaliit ng waist ko, kung wala naman akong hips, mukhang direcho lang din ang katawan ko from below the chest area pababa.
Haha oo na, ang babaw ng issues ko. Hahaha kumusta naman :))
Nakakapagpalaki ba ng hips? Kung sino may alam pano sabihan niyo ko :)) Eh buto yun, diba? Although sabi ng tita ko, try ko daw magpuntang gym at maghanap ng person na makakapagdesign ng proper exercise and diet para tumaba ako, then papapayat na lang sa ibang areas except sa hips. Haha! Srsly, am really considering.
Pero kasi naman. It's so depressing. Lalo na ngayong summer. Hindi ko gusto shots ko pag nakaswimsuit kasi nga wala akong hips : Eh diba pag sa ganun, mas mukhang sexy tignan kahit hindi flat tummy basta well-defined ang curves from waist to hips. EH WALA NGA AKONG HIPS. Kaya mas mukha akong mataba kahit na hindi naman.
:)) shett natatawa lang ako sa kababawan ko. I can't believe I'm openly talking about my body issues :))
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Define malabo.
Pag 'nanjan, inaayawan mo.
Pag wala, hinahanap mo.
Gusto mong pakawalan.
Hindi mo kaya.
Gusto mong mag-isip.
Pero pagod ka na.
Malabo ka
Rhea.
-----------------------------
I guess I need to really divert my attention to other things first. Keep myself busy. Be happy.
Early last week, at the peak of my confusion, all I wanted was to stay at home and be alone. Rant to friends. Sleep. Think. And think some more. But it's already been over a week, and I've done just that. I've thought of so many explanations, so many reasons...
I know the pros and I know the cons. But I can't seem to give weight to each for me to actually get to pit one decision against another.
All there's left to do is to DECIDE. And it's not in my capacity to do so. At least not at the moment.
Pag wala, hinahanap mo.
Gusto mong pakawalan.
Hindi mo kaya.
Gusto mong mag-isip.
Pero pagod ka na.
Malabo ka
Rhea.
-----------------------------
I guess I need to really divert my attention to other things first. Keep myself busy. Be happy.
Early last week, at the peak of my confusion, all I wanted was to stay at home and be alone. Rant to friends. Sleep. Think. And think some more. But it's already been over a week, and I've done just that. I've thought of so many explanations, so many reasons...
I know the pros and I know the cons. But I can't seem to give weight to each for me to actually get to pit one decision against another.
All there's left to do is to DECIDE. And it's not in my capacity to do so. At least not at the moment.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
David Cook says it again.
"I can't get close if your not there
I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can't fix you I can't save you
its something you have to do"
-this is what I want you to understand. What I'm doing now is something I must do on my own. So please stop the messages, they aren't helping. You're only luring me back in. But I can't go for feelings that are fleeting. 'Cause if I do the cycle would continue. And we don't want that. I don't want that.
And thanks to my high school girl friends :) Tuesday, it is :D So excited to see you again :)
I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can't fix you I can't save you
its something you have to do"
-this is what I want you to understand. What I'm doing now is something I must do on my own. So please stop the messages, they aren't helping. You're only luring me back in. But I can't go for feelings that are fleeting. 'Cause if I do the cycle would continue. And we don't want that. I don't want that.
And thanks to my high school girl friends :) Tuesday, it is :D So excited to see you again :)
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Cool off.
I need a time out. And thank you for agreeing.
You know this time will come. Dati pa. Diba? Dating dati pa.
And you know the long line of reasons.
I know it will hurt, but don’t think it doesn’t hurt me, too.
I’ve seen this coming waaay before.
This is the best way I can be considerate to you, to our issues, and to myself. It sucks, but it is [the best way].
We both know there are a number of things that are wrong about our relationship. I’m sure you would agree there are some things which aren’t right from the very beginning.
I’m not giving any guarantee.
But I loved you. I really did.
You know this time will come. Dati pa. Diba? Dating dati pa.
And you know the long line of reasons.
I know it will hurt, but don’t think it doesn’t hurt me, too.
I’ve seen this coming waaay before.
This is the best way I can be considerate to you, to our issues, and to myself. It sucks, but it is [the best way].
We both know there are a number of things that are wrong about our relationship. I’m sure you would agree there are some things which aren’t right from the very beginning.
I’m not giving any guarantee.
But I loved you. I really did.
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