Moving on.

To all the graduating students, congratulations!

A number of people close to my heart are now moving on to something bigger- life after college. Some will be going to grad school, some are going to work, and some are going back to their respective provinces to pursue either one of the two. And I wish nothing but the best to them. They deserve it :)

One of the things I like best in UP is the fact that we get to mingle with all batches. I believe it contributes to the holistic growth of the students. Moreover, we get to forge a greater network of friends, each with something to share, and for each of which we also save a place in our hearts.

But that’s also the sad part.

We don’t get to say our goodbyes properly each year, when one by one they go. Unlike in high school where we are only limited to our batch and thus go sentimental as a batch, in college there’s usually no venue for such. People are always busy. All of us are. The next thing you know, they’re already gone and you haven’t even thanked them for everything. Just like right now--- there are things I want to tell the people who are graduating: I want to thank them, to tell them how they have influenced me, to say how much nice it was for having them around… how much I’m going to miss them. But there’s just no venue for drama like that. And sadly, no time either.

I feel like each year, the people who I consider to be my fortresses and my “models” leave one by one. Suddenly, half of my college life is over. So much (and I mean so much!) has happened. I feel like it went in a flash--- a bright, heartwarming one at that. There are a number of times when I’d feel like, “hey, I don’t want to grow up yet.” I look up to my ates and kuyas. I don’t think I’m ready to be like them just yet.

But we all have to move on, to step up.

It hurts to resist. And so the better way to go would be to just gracefully go with the flow.

I can’t be a baby forever. I want to, but I can’t.

Perhaps I have to grow up. I don’t know if I can be like them, but I will try hard. I owe it to them and to myself.

PsychSoc seniors! Graduating YFCs! Thanks much. You will be missed.
(Irinaaaaaaaa! Lalo ka naaaaaaa! Mommy abiiiiiiiii! Ikaw din! Kuya Ian, Kuya Paul! At lahat kayong mga ggraduate. Sa susunod gagawa ako ng entry para sa mga gusto kong sabihin sa inyo)

end of sem, when are you?

one week left. just one more week.

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on second thought, do i really want the sem to end?

come to think of it, this'll be the first time i'll be away from UP for two months. two months! hey, that's long. sembreak nga lang namimiss ko na UP. haha

i do want to rest. i guess i'm just going to miss the place. oh yeah, and the people. :)

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aaargh. i wish i'm taking summer classes.
(yes, you can now officially call me a workaholic but damn, i'm going to miss UP!)

i feel like i'm going to miss a lot. i mean, hey, if so much can happen in a week, what more in eight?

kumusta, huli nanaman ako lalo sa mga balita. haha..

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too many questions for the next days/months/years to come.

i say, what the?! stop thinking and just live each day. :)

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tonight is my dear friend hanna's 18th birthday party, as well the last event for the YFC Campus-based before it changes in structure.

and yet, where am i again?

at home.

why?

to do stuff.

and have i accomplished any?

next question please.

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i'm still on my toes. is that good or bad? again, whatever. at least i'm happy. :)

because if i don't speak up, (and i won't speak up), i will never know.

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for more vague statements. haha

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you'd wonder how in the world i get to blog when i've got loads to do.

well, i was wondering, too.

and alas i found the answer, amidst my aching back and numb fingers and my already-hot laptop.

i crave for variety. i cannot be stuck with the same thing for so long. example: i am very much interested with my 148 research topic. and yet i can only type my review up to so and so number of minutes/hours. i'm constantly on my toes. moving to the pc to reconnect to the world, or going downstairs to have "live conversations" with my family. i can't stay focused on just one thing. well, i can. but i have a treshold.

i crave for variety. that's why perhaps i'll always be jumping from one place to another. i feel a need to have different groups that intertwine as less often as possible. i'm a different person in each. well, almost. i'm basically the same, plus/minus some things.

i crave for variety.

is it good or is it bad?

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i noticed that i'm not the only one slacking off. misery loves company? haha.. nah.. perhaps it just goes to show that indeed, we need to slow down once in a while. even if it's finals week, just because it's when we felt the need. :)

it only struck me earlier through kat's lj entry that i only have a few days left as a sophie. wala lang.

but hey, i'm workingon school-related things. it's just that i feel i'm not giving the effort i should be giving.

1.48 gwa, kaya kaya?

1.48 or not 1.48, i'd still be happy (as long as i'm still a CS. haha). why? well, i must say that this semester has been the most interesting so far. :)

For stalkers, this is your chance. =p

Acads
March 21: 4th Long Exam in Math 100
March 22: 4th Exam in Psych 148
March 26: Final Paper in Psych 148
March 27: Submission of Research Experiment in Psych 115
Defense in Psych 115
March 30: Final Exam in Math 100

Other things
March 22: Lord's Day, announcement of the new yfc execom
March 24: YFC Party
Hanna's 18th birthday celeb
(still torn. what to do? what to do?)
March 28: My brother's high school graduation
March 29: Last household meeting / bonding
No date yet: UPGK Execom Meeting
No date yet: UPGK Core Meeting

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and yet i'm still blogging.

i don't really have time to share stories to people now and this is my only outlet. this blogger for public thoughts and my semi-secret lj for private raves and rants.

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rheality: in two weeks, all of these will be over. but you know, that's not necessarily all sheer happiness for me. rhea

rhealization: i should be given an award for hiding what i mean through words and for posting too many vague things.

rheal issue: HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK. WORK WORK WORK.

7 years ago.

7 years ago, i first stepped foot on the newly-opened Orange Juice store.

It was just perfect, with its tagline "Too young to be old, too old to be young."

It was just what i was looking for. At 11, i had a hard time buying clothes that would fit just right.

Anyhow...

By now you'd think i no longer buy clothes at that store. Well, not as much as i used to before. But yes, i still do. At age 18.

Well, i insist on trying on their clothes. They're just so colorful! But you know, more than that, Orange Juice has a place in my heart. It reminds me a lot of how much of a "daddy's little girl" i was back then. actually, just last year i bought a tee there with that exact line.

I still am his little girl. And i'll always be. After his meeting at las piñas, he drove amidst the traffic to fetch me at glorietta. his first question to me when he saw me was, "how many months have you starved?" hahaha. daddy talaga. he was referring to shopping. i told him, "well, about two months." little things. i love my dad. :) not because he funds my addiction to shopping, mind you. more than that, i know my dad and i share a lot of things in common. and each day, i feel how much he loves me. how much he loves us.

Just a few hours ago, i stepped in the very Orange Juice store i first stepped foot on- the one at Glorietta. There were two or three girls shopping there with their moms. And at that moment, scenes from my visits there when i was about their age came to mind.

I remember entering the store with a huge smile (it was my favorite back then). My mom would go with me inside and help me pick clothes. I would then try each one then go out of the dressing room and "model" each outfit to my dad. He would then either give me a wide smile and tell me it looks good on me, or shake his head and ask me to try something else. Then i'd finally settle for one, two, or three pieces and would walk out happily, with a bigger smile on my face.

I remember when the Orange Juice branch in Alabang Town Center opened. I was one of the first to enter. :D During those times, we usually go to ATC religiously on saturdays. dad would drop us off, my brother would make a beeline for Timezone, and i'd hit the shops with my mom. then dad would join us for lunch, leave us again for a meeting, then join us for dinner.

I miss those days. I miss the times when our family had more time for each other. don't get me wrong. we still do bond. sunday is still (semi-)strictly a family day. but you see, i'm now older. it has been 7 years. my brother's now older as well. he's more interested with his girl friend now than he ever was with an arcade game. i now have a second brother.

7 years.

a lot has changed. but i'm thankful that our family is still going strong. :)

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(and yes, all these just because i entered that Orange Juice store. memories. yeah.)

happy.

we all deserve to be happy.

i'm happy.

not happy in the sense that i'm free of worries. but nonetheless i'm happy. :)

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and yes, this time i'm no longer bittersweet. :) it feels better now.

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everything feels better now.

i'm re-acquainting myself to Him. and yes, i can say that i'm growing more in love with Christ now. sometimes, i would smile to myself just because. truth be told, most of the time i would drag myself to read the Bible religiously each morning. but now it's one of the things i really look forward to. it's refreshing, soul satisfying, simply amazing. no longer is it something i felt i'm obliged to do as a good Christian. instead it has now become an essential part of my mornings, a source of strength, a reminder of His laws and of His sweet love as well.

Light. I feel like i'm much lighter now. For He has been my light.

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but this happiness is only a small fraction of the wholeness of what is to come.

and that makes things more exciting, don't you think? ;)

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i can be happier.

i will be happier.

but now i'm happy.

i'll always be just happy.

why?

because i know that there's always room for more happiness.

:)

who are we to know the vast greatness of His love? ;)

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p.s.
>>>salamat ng marami sa mga taong nagpapasaya sakin ngayon. lalo na sa psychsoc :) haha, alam niyo na yan. kumusta naman sa unwitting recipients ng mga ka-sentihan ko? haha.. :) salamat sa mga taong nandyan. salamat :) mahal ko kayo. :)

decisions, decisions

read the following verses. they're wonderful. just wonderful :)

"A scholar must have time to study if he is going to be wise..." -Sirach 32:24

"Seek your happiness in the Lord and He will give you your heart's desire. Give yourself to the Lord; trust in Him and He will help you." - Psalm 37:4-5

"Don't give in to worry or anger; it only leads to trouble." - Psalm 37:8

"The Lord guides a man in the way that he should go and protects those who pleases Him. If they fall they will not stay down, because the Lord will help them up." - Psalm 37:24

"I waited patiently for the Lord's help; then He listened to me and heard my cry... He taught me to sing a new song, a song of praise to our God." - Psalm 40:1&3

"Instead You have given me ears to hear you, and so I answered, 'Here I am' " - Psalm 40:6

"Oh, may my behavior be constant in keeping Your statutes." -Psalm 119:5

"But, Yahweh, You are closer still..." -Psalm 119:151

"I am wandering like a lost sheep: come and look for your servant." -Psalm 119:176

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my body still aches due to yesterday's gk build.

with what i have observed, there are so many things UPGK has to work on for the site. one would be instilling values and proper conduct. the kids, lovable as they are, still need to be taught how to behave well.

and in relation to that, i felt like i really need to devote more time in the site.

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I am struggling. In my heart i know i want to please the Lord, but it doesn't really show in my actions. As you all know, i'm a self-confessed brat. It's not like i want to be like that forever. That's why i'm really trying my best to be consistent with my reflecions and my convictions.

I want to serve the Lord; that's one thing i am certain of.

But in what way?

One can serve Him in many ways. However, i'm torn. I don't know where i'll be of best service to Him. Should i continue being part of Gawad Kalinga's Execom? After all, reaching out to the poor is one of the things that please Him most. Should i accept the letter of invitation to Youth for Christ's Execom? After all, it is the one focused on spreading God's word and making Jesus Christ known to all. Should i forego both offers and focus just on my studies instead?

I do want to serve. But i feel like i'm not mature enough to do so. With my inconsistent character, how am i supposed to be one of the leaders of YFC in UP? If ever, i would really have to watch myself and concentrate in my prayers because one awful misgiving and i might put a stain on YFC's name in the eyes of other people who have yet to know what it is like to be a Youth for Christ. There are still things i need to straighten.

I have up to March 15 to decide.

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as if the syllabus knows i have to make an important decision. our current topic in my psych 148 class (cognitive psychology) is about judgment and decision making. perfect timing, huh?

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Papers and exams are like an army from far away. And now i envision them getting nearer and nearer, ready to kill me. Waaa. I have to survive them all.

For more "busy-girl"-ness.

I Want to Dance Again

I miss the stage.

I miss the rhythm.

I miss the beats.

I miss the steps.

I miss the passion.

I haven't danced for a long time. I don't even know if i can still dance. But i wanna dance again. It used to be one of the ways through which i release some of my energy. It also gave me a sense of fulfillment.

Do you know how long it was since i last danced? Last year.

I remember having to wake up early in the morning for my 7am class in social dance. I can totally do without the 7am part, but the dancing part? It more than compensated for the headaches.

When i was younger, i used to do modern dances and sometimes, cheer dances. My mom offerred me ballet, but believe it or not, i used to be shy! So i declined. I used to do a lot of other dances- interpretative, social, street, folk, jazz and even cheerdance. If i only have the time, i'd join a dance group in UP. unfortunately, i do not have that luxury. well, unless i give up my other commitments- something i don't intend to do. i wish i can buy myself more time so i can dance to my heart's content. but we all know that even the richest man alive can't buy time.

I have to admit though- i'm afraid to dance again. It has been sucha long time. i'm worried that if i give it a shot again, my moves would look awkward. i'm worried that the rhythm and beat i once had in me might now be gone.

One thing i'm sure of: i wanna dance hard- like nobody's watching. a number of things are running on my mind and i want to get those things out of my system lest they consume me. When i dance, i feel good about myself. i want to feel that again. perhaps i have set such high standards for myself and have not really done much to achieve them- as if i'm often caught out of beat.

Call me shallow, but i miss the attention i get when i perform. and hey, don't get me wrong. i am getting sufficient attention these days, thankyouverymuch. but it's different when i'm performing on stage, executing well-practiced moves and just riding with the beat, feeling the spirit...

It's time to dance again.

It's time to wake up from my slumber

and dance the Dance again.

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(take note of the capital D and read between the lines. ;) it's not just about "dance" as defined in the dictionary. ;) i'll say no more.)
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I still have the passion, though it's now directed to other things.

I'll be doing new "steps," if you get what i mean.

The beat is still within me, and i'll live each day with it.

The rhythm of the times is calling, though i have yet to determine whether i should "choreograph" ways to correct things while going with it or if i should defy it altogether.

My stage is bigger now. The challenge is up.

I'm gonna Dance again.