Because we have an extra long weekend.

Half my college life, there was this one person who was always my instant date. When I have spare time to just chill and be happy. When I just want to snuggle. When I want to gaze at the stars. When I want to pigout. When I have the impulse to buy clothes (and oh how patient you were, considering how long I shop; and you never complained!). When I feel down and in need of someone who'll be strong for me. He was there. Always. (Almost).

I miss that person now. On days like this, when I have nothing much to do, we usually head to the mall, eat until we can't take in anything anymore, watch a movie, eat some more after. And/or do any of the other things we like doing. Like taking long walks without saying anything, etc.

But then again, I have to be fair. Do I miss him, or do I just miss having someone, in general?

Anyway, you know who you are and I'm sorry I was such a mess when you called last night.

Hay.

From a mediocre oblicon recit, to a borderline bad crim recit, to a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE consti recit :(

I can't believe I forgot the SHORTEST CASE. And I can't believe it had to be in a class where we have classmates from other blocks :(

I was already preparing for the next case when our professor called out my name.

"Same question."

Me: What question?
Sir: Same question.
Me: Sorry sir. I didn't hear the question.
Sir: But you're nearer to me.
Me: (helpless and wanting to just disappear)
Sir: Okay just recite the case.
Me: What case?

:|

As soon as I remembered that he was pertaining to Perez v. LPG, I desperately tried recalling what it was about. But for the life of me, all I could remember were the phrases "any act" and "on a per cylinder basis." Realizing it was already a futile attempt, I finally resigned my case.

"Sorry sir. Pass."

I swear. That was the worst thing that ever happened to me in law school. So far.

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. But certainly, this isn't the Rhea I know.

I'm sorry if I rant too much. I just need to let it out. In a while, I'll be fine and perky again. I hope :)

They say that when you've hit the ground, there's no way to go but up :)

I want to keep this feeling :)

Today's a light and happy day.

Nothing groundbreaking or heartwarming happened. Today's just an ordinary day, really. I don't know why I'm so chill and composed and not my usual frantic self today. It's been quite a while since I last felt this good.

Maybe it's God's way of saying "I love you." Well Lord, I love you, too :)

Thank God for ever-reliable friends :)

In a time when I feel like crying over very simple matters (to give you a clue: i was moved by some of the cases / ponencia, i felt like crying! haha. or when i actually bawled in front of my dad after overhearing our helper murmur, "tumabataba na si rhea, tumataba na!)"), it's comforting to know that there are people who actually think your feelings are very much valid.

(talking about a different topic)
charles icasiano: understandable
charles icasiano: there, there
charles icasiano: *hug*

haha. and i thought THAT BIT (which NO ONE, as in absolutely no other person knows about) is too embarassing to admit and too petty for someone my age. haha. now whether my friend was just sleepy and needed to end the conversation (which was just filled with my rants anyway) or whether he actually really understands (and presumption shall be in favor of good faith on the part of a friend), i just feel relieved.

Why?

No matter how many times I talk to people about this, I still end up not knowing what to do. And feeling terribly awful about it. Why does it have to affect me so much in the first place? Well, I think I already know what to do. But I’ll give it one more chance.

I know you already said it’s okay. But when we talked, I also felt how sad it will make you feel :’( I hate what-ifs, but I don’t want to be a leaver either.

By Friday, I’ll decide.

Tsktsk.

I never had to go on a diet. EVER. Because no matter how much I eat, I don't gain considerable weight anyway. And even if I do, I'm still thin.

But that's not the case anymore!!!

Since sembreak, I started lessening my food intake. A LOT of the people I know (especially the ones who haven't seen me for months/years)have been telling me that I'm obviously gaining weight in law school.

While preparing my clothes for this week, I somewhat had difficulty selecting which clothes to bring because some of my clothes just don't fit well anymore :(

I'm hungry. But I already ate dinner-- bread + tuna.

I said though in the previous entry that EVERYTHING (save for the few exceptions i mentioned, and the rule is exclusio unius est exclusio alterius)shall be subordinate to the more pressing and important demands of the law school. And that includes my figure concerns. So I better stop sulking now. Back to work.

FOCUS

"The key to staying in law school is FOCUS."
-Dean Candelaria

And focus, I shall. I'm here to become a lawyer. All other things in my life, inside or outside law school, except for God and family and trueblue friends, shall be of subordinate importance to my study of the law.

----------

Love? That will come. In time. Probably just not while I'm in law school.

(Although the prospect of staying single for four years seems kinda harsh hahaha. But we'll see).

Edit: it IS harsh :))

Because He is the best <3

My general weighted average this sem is the LOWEST I ever got in my entire life, yet ironically, dito rin ako pinaka-sumaya. My heart has never JUMPED FOR JOY because of grades the way it did tonight. My entire life as a student, I only feared failing math,a mediocre general average, or not making it to the top 10 (in grade school and high school) or the cs/us list (college). In law school, for the first time, I prayed to just at least pass (75) and meet the qpi (78). So even if my qpi now is what I would consider disheartening and mediocre before, I'm still very much thankful to the Lord for it.

And you know what's even more beautiful? This morning, one of the verses I got from the Bible said: "Do not let your heart be troubled. Trust in God, and trust in me" - John 14:1. Sakto. Ang galing galing lang Niya :)

I'll remember my first sem, first year in law school forever <3 The nervewracking intro to law days when there was no minute that passed when we weren't holding on tight for dear life, the tension brought about by the first few times we were called to recite, the first memories with the people in the block, the first midterms week, the first finals week, and alas--the moment of truth (when we finally saw our grades).

To my blockmates: I'm happy to have spent what would perhaps be one of the semesters I'll remember forever with you :) Here's to hoping we have 3.5 more years to spend with each other in the law school.

I'm also really very grateful that I ended up in Ateneo Law :) Now it is my DUTY to do better next semester. Nerdy as it may sound, but I'm looking forward to start yet another 5 months of torture. After all, diamonds are made under pressure. Despite my lackluster performance this sem, I'm very much eager to rise up and redeem myself. With God's help, of course :)

P.S.
Dear Ace,
thank you for describing me as such. it lifted up my spirits. it's also some sort of a reminder. so, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
-->My friend Ace was asked, "What is Rhealeth's idea of a great movie?" and she answered: "a story about getting beat up by life's challenges and rising back up again... done with an awesome pair of high heels... :)"

<3

Do you still believe in love?

Despite everything, I still do. Someday, it will come.

Countless books (The Alchemist, among the best convincers) tell us what we’re looking for has been right in front of us all along. But I refuse to buy that, no matter how true it may be. Because if we resort to that belief and settle for what’s here and now, we’ll always be bothered by many what ifs. This is one case when vicarious learning is not applicable. We may end up with the same conclusion later on, but the point is that we were the ones who actually came up with such conclusion. That makes all the difference.

I used to like to play it safe. Maybe I was too afraid to lose. But then later on it hit me that I’m being selfish.

On January 1, 2009, I wrote this.

If you don’t have the time to bother reading, in a nutshell, I told myself that this year, I’d be bolder and take more risks. Looking back at the things I’ve done this year, it can be said I stayed true to that, only most of those actions were not things I could be proud of. The year’s almost about to end, but perhaps it’s not too late. This time around, I’ll make sure the risks I take are the ones in line with what is right.

Ang first year, first sem law school grades, para lang...

Nandiyan ka nga,
wala naman akong mapala.
Ano ba,
ayoko na ng suspense ok.
Ang sakit mo sa puso,
grabe.
Matutulog na ko,
hindi na kita iisipin.
Tutal, darating ka rin naman diba?
Mag-iintay na lang ako.

Grades. First sem, first year, law school.

Parang pag-ibig lang eh noh.